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IT HAPPENED TO ME: I'm A Lesbian Who Is Dating A Man And I Feel Guilty About Straight Privilege

I marched in pride parades and dyke marches and became a spokesperson in public schools where I told my coming out story to kids. Living in a lesbian relationship meant that I would be treated like a lesbian for the rest Sober lesbian dating my life and it mattered that I not live in fear of prejudice and that I use my other class, race and gender privilege to join this battle. Ironically or tragically, my relationship suffered from the pain of both Dating site west yorkshire and internalized homophobia. For eight years, I almost never enjoyed even simple public affection like hand holding, a light touch or gesture from someone I loved when the moment might have called for it.

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It was all about the social and not at all about the personal. When I recently met a wildly lovely man who has made my heart burst out of my chest with passion and vulnerability and kindness and sincerity and intelligence, I resisted. How did this fit with my identity? Reverse coming out felt anxiety-inducing. The first time we walked hand in hand around my neighborhood, my heart was racing. When we kissed on a busy public street, I felt the heat rise up into my face. When we cuddled in the park, I felt eyes burning into me from all directions. People were looking, but I was terribly aware that I was not a freakshow. Little old ladies smiled at us as we walked by.

Straight couples did little knowing straight couple exchanges. I felt for the first time in a very long time that I could be present and be in the moment and be light-hearted and enjoy the newness of the romance, of the exchange of a smile, or the feeling of my hand in his. It was a relief.


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